Archbishop Tagle graced us with his presence at the first ever Ignatian Festival held in Ateneo. I was really looking forward to his homily. 75% of his homily were simple kwentos of his life as a seminarian and how Jesuits formed him. But his important points were all at the end, and it was really enlightening and moving. He basically mentioned everything the Jesuits believed in, everything I’ve learned from the past 4 years in Ateneo. It made me reminisce my not-so-far college years and all the things I’ve learned about my faith, discernment and prayer the Ignatian way. Truly blessed with my Ateneo Jesuit Education.
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Archbishop Tagle graced us with his presence at the first ever Ignatian Festival held in Ateneo. I was really looking forward to his homily. 75% of his homily were simple kwentos of his life as a seminarian and how Jesuits formed him. But his important points were all at the end, and it was really enlightening and moving. He basically mentioned everything the Jesuits believed in, everything I’ve learned from the past 4 years in Ateneo. It made me reminisce my not-so-far college years and all the things I’ve learned about my faith, discernment and prayer the Ignatian way. Truly blessed with my Ateneo Jesuit Education.
Zoom Info

Archbishop Tagle graced us with his presence at the first ever Ignatian Festival held in Ateneo. I was really looking forward to his homily.

75% of his homily were simple kwentos of his life as a seminarian and how Jesuits formed him. But his important points were all at the end, and it was really enlightening and moving.

He basically mentioned everything the Jesuits believed in, everything I’ve learned from the past 4 years in Ateneo. It made me reminisce my not-so-far college years and all the things I’ve learned about my faith, discernment and prayer the Ignatian way.

Truly blessed with my Ateneo Jesuit Education.

Before anything else, I really, really love atheists!! Hahaha! No sarcasm here! They are really good for philosophical and theological discussion & critical thinking! :)) Because although I am firm in my faith, I am always still knowing more about my God everyday, and of course I try to question and find meaning in the details of my religion as well.So lately, I’ve been getting a lot of likes/reblogs with my faith-inspired very simple typography designs, but I’ve realized I was also raising eyebrows of some.I posted, “Jesus, take over my life”and he replied, “Self-abnegation can be really horrifying. And rather astonishing that people can reach this point with an imaginary friend.”Though I am tempted to try truly to answer and rebut this theologically and philosophically (thanks to philo103) in so many waaaays, I choose not to. Because to a person who does not believe in God so strong that he even labels himself an “atheist”, then no matter what we say it will always be easier for him to reject it. Not that speaking and fighting for Him doesn’t cost anything, I just think that only an experience can change an atheist’s perspective and belief- an experience of love, an experience of God. Something, that I cannot give through a reply.So I guess, I want to reply to this personally for my sake. The God, that I believe in, is not selfish. He will never allow me to do something only for Himself. Never. And when I prayed that He take over my life, I meant this so that I may learn to love like Him. And Jesus, is not my or a imaginary friend. He is a way of life. And this allows me to be the best and most loving person that I can be through the life He lived, for the benefit of the people I can choose to love. In here, I hope you see my choice in it, and I hope you see that this love doesn’t go to Him AT ALL, but to my family and to the people around me. And, if you read my last post (which is PERFECTLY apt for this) I did try to find out what He wanted for me. I found out that what He wanted was what I wanted. What He wanted for me, was my happiness. I don’t see self-abnegation one bit.
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Before anything else, I really, really love atheists!! Hahaha! No sarcasm here! They are really good for philosophical and theological discussion & critical thinking! :)) Because although I am firm in my faith, I am always still knowing more about my God everyday, and of course I try to question and find meaning in the details of my religion as well.

So lately, I’ve been getting a lot of likes/reblogs with my faith-inspired very simple typography designs, but I’ve realized I was also raising eyebrows of some.

I posted, “Jesus, take over my life”
and he replied, “Self-abnegation can be really horrifying. And rather astonishing that people can reach this point with an imaginary friend.”

Though I am tempted to try truly to answer and rebut this theologically and philosophically (thanks to philo103) in so many waaaays, I choose not to. Because to a person who does not believe in God so strong that he even labels himself an “atheist”, then no matter what we say it will always be easier for him to reject it. Not that speaking and fighting for Him doesn’t cost anything, I just think that only an experience can change an atheist’s perspective and belief- an experience of love, an experience of God. Something, that I cannot give through a reply.

So I guess, I want to reply to this personally for my sake. The God, that I believe in, is not selfish. He will never allow me to do something only for Himself. Never. And when I prayed that He take over my life, I meant this so that I may learn to love like Him. 

And Jesus, is not my or a imaginary friend. He is a way of life. And this allows me to be the best and most loving person that I can be through the life He lived, for the benefit of the people I can choose to love. In here, I hope you see my choice in it, and I hope you see that this love doesn’t go to Him AT ALL, but to my family and to the people around me. 

And, if you read my last post (which is PERFECTLY apt for this) I did try to find out what He wanted for me. I found out that what He wanted was what I wanted. What He wanted for me, was my happiness. I don’t see self-abnegation one bit.

So, this post is because I am a little stressed out in WOH lately. Stressed, isn’t the right term actually, stress is just one of the outcomes. I’m in the state of do-I-really-know-what-I-am-doing kind of stages and I guess we really do get empty and afraid. That is why I am truly thankful for this article by Fabiola Fleuranvil entitled: The Entrepreneur’s Dilemma: Being Your Own Chearleader. Read the whole thing here. She gave 5 points: 1)  It’s fine to cheer yourself on 2)  You need your own personal manifesto 3)  You must be comfortable with failure (Now this one is my favorite!) 4)  Don’t count on friends or family to make you money. So there you have it…the entrepreneur’s dilemma. Your cheering section may be limited to a single voice, but if you shout loud enough and long enough, you may be able to inspire your team to cross the finish line.” It really lifted my spirit a lot. Working on a start-up is truly a rollercoaster ride. And when you are in the “downs”, you have to make sure you have at least yourself cheering you on.  And this doesn’t only apply to your own businesses or start-ups. It can apply to any aspect of your life. Whatever you are going through, no matter how difficult it is, within you is a stronger you who believes in you and can push you to move forward and be better and okay! 
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So, this post is because I am a little stressed out in WOH lately. Stressed, isn’t the right term actually, stress is just one of the outcomes. I’m in the state of do-I-really-know-what-I-am-doing kind of stages and I guess we really do get empty and afraid.

That is why I am truly thankful for this article by Fabiola Fleuranvil entitled: The Entrepreneur’s Dilemma: Being Your Own Chearleader. Read the whole thing here.

She gave 5 points:

1)  It’s fine to cheer yourself on

2)  You need your own personal manifesto

3)  You must be comfortable with failure (Now this one is my favorite!)

4)  Don’t count on friends or family to make you money.


So there you have it…the entrepreneur’s dilemma. Your cheering section may be limited to a single voice, but if you shout loud enough and long enough, you may be able to inspire your team to cross the finish line.”

It really lifted my spirit a lot. Working on a start-up is truly a rollercoaster ride. And when you are in the “downs”, you have to make sure you have at least yourself cheering you on. 

And this doesn’t only apply to your own businesses or start-ups. It can apply to any aspect of your life. Whatever you are going through, no matter how difficult it is, within you is a stronger you who believes in you and can push you to move forward and be better and okay! 

Salt and Light Magazine: When Finding Your Calling Is Really About Finding God

saltandlightmag:

by Roxy Navarro

So I have a confession, I am an indecisive and ambitious daughter of God. In just a span of 4 years, I convinced myself (at different times) that I wanted to be an artist, a doctor, a JVP volunteer, a Theology teacher and a Public School Teacher. Why? Because it was never…

The freest months of my life

It really gives you a lot of pressure to get a job exactly after college. I am actually suppose to work immediately (with the company I worked in as an intern last summer) but I wasn’t sure if that was really what I wanted so I told them I’ll come in by July. So I got, what I want to call, the “free-est months of my life”

They are the “free-est” because I’ve been studying for most of life and when I start working I’m pretty sure it’s hard to stop that streak of going to work. All my summers for the past years while in Ateneo as well tied me up with commitments such as summer classes, org duties, OJT and more.That’s why I t am trying to make the most out of it. 

The past months that came after graduation really allowed me to figure out what I love and what I can try to do. Having all the time in the world just for myself really allowed me to start and work on things while giving my whole heart and self!

Things I am busy with for the past “free” months of my life:

  • Leading and directing a fruit of my passion & courage: Works of Heart. It’s a social design enterprise and movement that believes in art and design for social change.
  • Getting design commissions! I designed so many stuff for so many people! One of my favorites would be the design for Colene’s debut invites and my anniversary gift for Inigo. 
  • Contributing for Salt & Light Magazine! One of the many ways I am able to glorify Him.
  • Designing my room. 
  • Attending all the seminars I can! I love learning new things and meeting new people. I challenged myself to attend seminars that I know I would learn a lot from. I attended Kaya Natin’s iChange Seminar and it really inspired me. Also attended Miss Sab Ongkiko’s (my idol) Kape’t Guro session for teachers. :) I am also planning to attend the Social Innovation Camp by GK this month or the next!

So there! they seem only a few but it’s a handful really. A proof of that is the photo of stressed-that’s-why-already-sleeping me above captured by my friend when they were here for a sleepover and I had some emails to make for Works of Heart. Haha!

Just imagine it.. the freest months of your life. :) When you do not have any responsibility (yet) to your family, to your country, and you don’t have any school commitments and homeworks anymore. Your only responsibility is to your self. You deserve the time to just express and explore the possibilities of your heart’s deepest desires. For so long haven’t you been cramming so many projects or working so many long hours at the office that when you want to do something, but keep on telling yourself you just don’t have the time? Well time won’t slow down for you. You have to make time for yourself.

But you can’t stop forever. You can’t hide away from your responsibilities. I am actually excited to embrace them! I want to be responsible already for my family and my country by officially getting a work I can do alongside Works of Heart. I’m actually writing about this ‘cause I’d like to believe I am about to work really soon. 

*fingerscrossed*

What do you design for? :)

Works of Heart believes in pushing art and design into something more than aesthetics and expression. It’s pushing art and design to be more valuable to society because it is and we fail to see that. Art and design can contribute to the Philippines, only if we allow it to.

Social Design: Take Heart & Take Art

Hello! I am Roxy, and I believe in the power and ability of art and design to become tools for social change. :)

When I hear of social design, there are only two things that we should remember. Two very important verbs that will guide us if we do believe and want to be a Social designer: to take heart and take art.

“Take heart” is a beautiful phrase that also means such a beautiful virtue which is courage. To take heart is to be courageous. It means we have to go out of our comfort zone, to take one step outside what we know and what we are used to. It means to think bigger and envision dreams that will make us very much afraid to reach for them because they are that big and wild and amazing. :)

Do we have wild dreams? Or are we too confined with the boxes reality closed us in that we never challenged ourselves and the way life is anymore? Do we have wild dreams that are too big to happen that we don’t bother dreaming of them anymore? 

Well, that’s not acceptable. Nothing will happen to us, to the people around us, to this country, if we don’t dream big for it. And If I ask you right now, what your 5 wildest and craziest dreams are, what would they be?

My wildest dreams in relation to my passion, which is design and art, are the following, and hopefully they inspires you to think of your 5 wildest dreams as well. 

  1. To have the Philippines be like France. I love the Eiffel tower, but that’s not the reason why I want the Philippines to be like this very famous European country. I want the Philippines to be like France because most of the people living there are theater actors, painters, artists, and musicians. And they are well-off! Here in the Philippines, we look down at artists, and we look down at art. We don’t see the value of art and design & how how much it can help us even economically.
  2. I dream of a fashion show in the slums. I want to break the notion that fashion design, aesthetics and style are only for the rich. I want to create amazing clothes and shoes with the use of cheap but beautiful materials and have it modeled and used and developed by the ordinary Filipino: The fair-skinned and the short.
  3. I dream of a software, that contains all the information that will track poor Filipino communities’ progress. Very much like the google maps, the software will be able to track all the poor barangays in a city, and contain information regarding the people’s education, employement, economic, health situation. How many children don’t go to school? How many work with minimum wage? How many families do not have PhilHealth? Imagine if this software and information is available to every organization big and small, and to every individual who wants to help but don’t know how to? They would know where to go. They would know what part of the Philippines need their help more. This will be able to balance the efforts of all organizations and groups that want to help the country. 
  4. I dream that Works of Heart becomes very big that it will take care of the whole country’s promotions of all advocacies. I want Works of Heart to aid all NGO’s and mission-based organizations in their efforts and have every Filipino know this, to create a culture of valuing social change and efforts.
  5. I dream to help our education system through information design. Not only do we lack teachers, chairs, books, but we also need to improve the educational system and curriculum itself. And I believe that information design can very much help that area.

 

I remember in Grey’s Anatomy (I don’t know if it’s scientifically correct), Mcdreamy said that there is this very thin line in our brain that separates our perception of reality and fantasy. That is why when a patient in the show had a brain tumor that damaged that very thin line, she got dreams and reality mixed up. And it got me thinking, maybe the line between our dreams and reality is really just thin. Maybe, our dreams are less than an inch away from happening, and it’s only up to us to take the courage  to do so.

The middle part of the brain is our core, our very personality. Everything else that goes around it are just our basic knowledge of things, of ideas. But the most middle part, is who we are: our memories, the people we know, the things we plan and dream. Courage, is action with heart. Courage is doing something passionately that a very big part of who we are is laid out and at risk. And it is very important to know no matter how big dreams are, to what the core of it is truly is.

That is why the very core of the biggest and wildest dreams I mentioned, is basically the use of art and design to effect change in society.

And I guess somehow, that is what Work’s of Heart is trying to do. We plan to serve, through giving our talents and skills in art and design to those who need it the most so that they can shout out their cause. We plan to share art and design to hopefully every part of the country especially to the communities who do not have the opportunity to use art and design. And lastly, we plan to solve the most pressing issues in the country.

Now if you are ready to dream big, to make that step further, it’s time to take art. As in literally take art.

I’ve heard a lot of people say how much they hate how its easy for everyone to call themselves artists and designers just because they know Photoshop. I know and understand where they are coming from, but for me, I really believe that we can all be artists and designers. As long as we can create and transform our ideas and our inspirations into visual form, we are artists. There will always be people better than us, but we have to believe in ourselves first. Bo Sanchez said that how people see us is nothing, and how we see ourselves is everything. Before we can do anything, we have to learn to believe that we are artists and designers. And if that is clear in our hearts, learning and being better will just follow and easy.

Now this is the part where we take art. Art and design is currently about the art and the artist. There is nothing wrong with that and I believe in that so much. We need to really put ourselves into the art we are making. But as I have said before, it’s time to make a step further, it’s time to dream a little bigger and get out of the box of what we are used to. It’s time to take art’s definition from being about us and the work itself, and more for them. It’s time to take art and design for give it a bigger task and responsibility, and to have it ignite and create change.

Social Design definitely calls for a new set of designers. It needs designers who are more courageous and really have the heart to change the country’s situation.

This is the best definition I’ve found online by William Dentrel. I loved the way he explains that Social design is not just like any other field of design and how big it really is.

I’ve tackled about what it takes to be a social designer and what we have to do to create social design, but how do we actually know if we are called to be social designers? Only with this: If we believe that we are called to the place where our deep gladness and the world’s deepest hunger meet. 

The country is in so much pain and suffering, and there are so many ways to help our fellow Filipinos. But the best way we can give ourselves, the best way we can serve is through our deepest passion that God Himself placed into our hearts. And I love art and design so much that I know it is my armor to fight this country’s battle.

So, are you ready to take heart and take art with me?

Elizabeth Gilbert on nurturing creativity

 

THIS. THIS! This is what I exactly believe in! I mentioned this in Take Heart Seminar!

On creativity: “If you never happen to believe in the first place, that the most extraordinary aspects of your being came from you.. maybe if you believe that they were unloaned to you, from some unimaginable source, an exquisite portion of your life, to be passed along. And it starts to change everything.”

It does change everything. :’) ♥

Amazing amazing amazing! deeply moved and inspired! To all artists and creative people! You have to watch this. :) 

‘Ole!’ to you, just for having the sheer human love and stubbornness to keep showing up. -Elizabeth Gilbert

Into the world of Social Entrepreneurship

I first heard about Social Entrep when I was in my senior year in college and I never really understood it, up until I attended ASOG’s (Ateneo School of Government) iChange Seminar.

I only attended it because reading its description, I thought it would help me learn more about the country I want to contribute to especially now that I have started Works of Heart (which is something I’ll be sharing to you guys soon in another blog post after this one). I want to exhaust myself with all the opportunities to learn and grow while I still don’t have work and I still have a lot of time for myself. And I always saw Works of Heart as a social entrep too somehow even though I already said I didn’t understand it well. Weird I know, but it really seem to steer in that direction.

The main person who really helped me understand the beauty of Social Entrep was the main speaker Fr. Xavier Alpasa who was Head of the Jesuit’s Simbahang Lingkod ng Bayan. He was deeply passionate about Social Entrep. He said that Social Entrepreneurship was innovative, and it was neither public nor private sector for it had the involvement of the community, its grassroots. The government keeps on doing roads, bridges, schools and all that for us but they never asks us if we want them and how if ever. But for Social Enterprises, they ask the people in the community what they need, and they build and make that together.

The couple who founded EducAid.

Fr. Xavier, the main speaker.

Fr. Xavier discusses how Social Entrep solves issues, generates money and involves a community. This three things are what Social Entreps are made of. I remember him saying, in a humorous manner for he was a funny guy, “Enough with creating new brands of shampoo! They are too many already! can we think of other products? Products that can actually help the farmers? products that can solve our problems?” He actually has this heart for the farmers, saying “We eat vegetables and fruits everyday from farmers, but why are we rich and stable but they still so poor?”

After Fr. Xavier’s talk, there where also sharers who told us their stories on making a difference with their programs and enterprises. The first was AHON (Acts of Hope for the Nation) who builds libraries for public schools. They don’t just give them as easy as 1-2-3, they involve the schools in planning and building their own libraries. It was important that they help in making so that there is this thing that Herbel, the program officer of Ahon, calls “sweat equity”. It gives the school a sense of ownership in their schools as well and not just depend on people giving them every help they need. The president of ANI (Alay ni Ignacio), an organization in Ateneo which I was also a part of back then in college (heyyy that’s not so long ago I just graduated this march 2012 HAHA!), also shared his story. The last sharers were a couple who trained public school teachers. They help them become better in their field and help them believe in themselves more. They told us that public school teachers do not feel important, and that they feel that people don’t care about them. It was one of my favorite stories! They are called EducAid.

Before Fr. Xavier ended his talk, one of us asked him, “What’s your motivation to enter Social Entrep?” The typical dramatic question made us all laugh a little including Fr. Xave but his answer left me controlling myself not to cry. He said because he himself experienced life in poverty. He studied in public school all his life. He shares how he was disqualified from being an honor because his parents weren’t able to pay for the Parent-Teacher Association fee of P20 or P50 (If I remember correctly) for classroom electric fans. He also shares that recently, when he was riding a jeepney wearing his barong and all that ready for work, he sees his gradeschool classmate selling cigarettes and candies on the highway and they were able to catch up on each other. He says, “Naramdaman ko ang yakap ng isang nanay na may maraming anak na namatayan ng panganay na breadwinner nila. Alam niyo ba yun? Yung totoong yakap ng mahirap na wala ng mayayakap pa. Sana maramdaman niyo yun.”

Stories like this keep me going. Stories like this keeps me wanting to fight for a better life for all my fellow Filipinos who are living a life they do not deserve, no matter how little a fight I can fight for them.

With my passion and love in Works of Heart, hopefully I’m truly gearing up in doing my part for this country I deeply love. I won’t be help them directly but we’ll be helping people who will. I’m doing all that I can to learn everything I need to learn and grow into the person I need to become to be competent and prepared and ready. Into the world of Social Entrepreneurship, go I.

Ingredient ba o condiment [ng pagpapakatao] — ang pananampalataya sa Diyos?

Hindi bago saakin ang tanong na ito, sa katunayan, second year college pa lamang ako, naitapon na sa akin ang tanong na ito. At kahit ngayon, sa simula ng pagsagot sa tanong at pagsulat ng papel na ito, ay napakarami at bigat parin ng mga frustrations na nararamdaman marahil hirap paring makita ng malinaw kung ano nga ba ang papel ng pananampalataya sa Diyos ng  pagpapakatao. At nais kong subukang tahakin at lakbayin ng mas mabuti at ng mas malalim ang paghanap sa sagot sa tanong, dahil mahalaga na masagutan ko ito.

Naaalala ko pa ng mabuti yung araw na una itong itinanong sa akin ng aking kaibigan at sa isang heartbeat, ang sinagot ko ay ingredient. May galak sa pagsabi ko nito. Pero nagulat ako ng sinabi sa akin ng aking kaibigan na condiment para sakanya ang pananampalataya sa Diyos. Hindi ako nung una makapaniwala, na ang Diyos ay isang condiment lang. Pero alam kong maganda ang relasyon ng aking kaibigan sa Diyos at siya’y matalino kaya’t gusto ko malaman kung bakit. Naging bukas ako, at gusto kong maintiindihan. Siguro may parte na din sa akin na gustong pumasok sa diskusyon tungkol dito ng mas makita kung ano nga ba ang tamang sagot.

Ingredient ang pananampalataya sa Diyos marahil hindi ko lang makita ang buhay ko na walang Diyos. Sobrang malaking parte Siya ng aking buhay. Pero sabi ng aking kaibigan, na ito’y para sa akin lamang at kailangan ko ring tignan sa pangkalahatan. Paano yung mga taong hindi naniniwala sa Diyos pero masaya? Paano yung mga taong hindi naniniwala sa Diyos pero mabait sila? Sa una nagtatapon ako ng mga argumento, pero napatigil din ako sa punto niya na hindi ba’t mas may halaga na condiment ang Diyos at di mo naman Siya kailangan pero pinipili mo Siya na maging parte ng buhay mo, imbis sa Ingredient ang Diyos at pinipili mo Siya dahil alam mong kailangan mo Siya para maging buo? Hindi ba’t mas mukhang pagibig siya kung pinili mo Siya kahit na hindi Siya kailangan at added-value lang Siya?

At bigla akong napatahimik at nakaramdam na parang umaalon sa aking dibdib. May parte sa akin na hindi nga nakikitang pa-importante ang Diyos na ginawa Niyang kailanganin natin Siya. At hindi ko lang naman Siya mahal dahil lamang sa isang rason na binubuo Niya ako. Kasama ito, pero mahal ko rin Siya dahil natutunan ko sa Kaniya ang ibigsabihin ng pagmamahal sa karanasan ng kaniyang pagmamahal na kusang naitutulak lang akong gawin din ito sa iba. I don’t see Him as a self-centered God. It makes so much sense, but there was no peace within me. Walang kapayapaan sa kalooban ko. Sobrang simple at daling intindihin at mas ankop sa lahat ng tao na Condiment nga ang Diyos at hindi lamang personal sa akin. Pero parang hindi ko lang matanggap na hindi kailangan ang pananampalataya sa Diyos sa pagpapakatao. Hindi lamang talaga. At alam ko na hindi lang ako stubborn, dahil gusto ko rin naman malaman ang katotohanan tungkol sa Diyos ko.

At dahil gusto ko nga lang malaman ang katotohanan, dumating ako sa punto na nag tanong-tanong ako sa mga tao. Atat ako na tanunging ang lahat at makinig lamang sa sasabihin nila. Ako’y umaasang sa mga sagot nila baka mapagtagpi-tagpi ko para sa aking sarili ang aking sariling sagot. Hindi parin nawawala ung gustong malaman kung ano nga ba talaga ang papel ng Diyos sa pagpapakatao, at hindi lamang sa pagpapakatao ko, pero sa pagpapakatao ng kalahatan. Walang katapusang pagtatanong ang aking ginawa simula second year ako hanggang ngayon sa aking mga kaibigan sa bahay, aking mga ate at kuya sa mga organisasyon at pati narin ang aking mga blockmates. Gusto ko marining yung iba’t ibang sagot ng iba’t ibang klase tao. At masaya kahit papaano na nakakakuha ako ng iba’t ibang magagandang sagot at dahil dito nakikilala ko ng paonti-onti ang Diyos. Pero hindi parin nawawala angfrustration. Oo, maraming iba’t iba at napakagandang sagot, pero hindi ko parin masagot para sa aking sarili ang tanong. Ingredient ba o condiment [ng pagpapakatao] — ang pananampalataya sa Diyos?

Dahil sa aking pagtatanong sa iba’t ibang tao, isang beses, nakakuha ako ng isang sagot na kakaiba. Ang sabi lang niya sa akin ay, “Walang tama at mali sa sagot na iyan. Basta’t mapanindigan mo kung ano iyong sagot mo, at kung ano ang kahulugan nito sa iyo.”

Kung iisipin siguro dapat ay naging payapa na ang aking kalooban ko sa sagot na iyo at hindi ko na kailangan mapalagay dahil wala nga namang tama o mali. Pero hindi nawala ang frustration. Buhay na buhay parin siya. Sa paghahanap sa katotohanan, hindi sapat na makahulugan ito sa akin. Kailangan ko lang naman talaga malaman dahil alam ko na kung ano man sa dalawa ang totoo, may masasabi ito tungkol sa Diyos. At iyon lang naman ang gusto ko, na mas makilala ang Diyos. Gusto ko lang na mas maintindihan at mas makilala siya. Siya nga ba’y isang malaking parte talaga ng ating pagkatao at kabuuan? Siya nga ba’y hindi isang self-centered God na gustong maging malaking parte ng buhay natin at binigyan naman niya tayo ng free will na piliin Siya? Siya nga ba’y isang patuloy na gabay sa bawat galaw, bawat yugto ng buhay ng mga tao, naniniwala man sakaniya o hindi? Siya nga ba’y isang Diyos na hindi kailangan para maging buo, pero mas nakakapagbigay ng kahulugan? Sino nga ba Siya? Sino nga ba ang Diyos at ano ba ang papel Niya sa pagkatao ko? Ano nga ba ang papel Niya sa buhay ko? Maari kong bang malaman ano ang tamang sagot para naman makatulong na mas makilala ko Siya?  

Pagkatapos ng napakadaming tanong, sa tulong na rin ng katahimikan, sinubukan kong tignan lamang ang lahat. At aking napansin na lutang ay ang karanasan ng frustration sa aking paglakbay na masagot para sa aking sarili ang pilosopikong tanong na maaring wala ngang tama o maling sagot. Bakit lutang ang frustration? Bakit buhay na buhay ang  emosyon na ito?

May frustration dahil sa hindi matahimik na pagnanasang makilala lang talaga Siya. Sobra yung kasiyahan ko tuwing tinatanong ko yung mga tao kung ano sagot nila at kahit papaano nasisilayan ako ng Diyos na hanap hanap ko. Pero hindi naman ito talaga kahit kailan magiging sapat. Dahil ito’y isang pagkilala lang sa Diyos at hindi ko naranasan. Malaki ang pagkakaiba sa may malaman tungkol sa Diyos at ang makilala ko Siya mismo. At hindi marahil hindi ko masagot ang tanong dahil hindi ko Siya makasama at makilala sa sariling karanasan.

Isa rin sigurong rason ay ang katotohanang di naman talaga Siya kayang maintindihan at makilala ng buo dahil Siya’y ganap na iba.

Pero bakit pa ninanais na makilala Siya kung mahirap. Bakit pa sinusubukang kilalanin ang Diyos kung alam ko namang kaunti lamang ang kaya ko. Mabibigo at mabibigo lamang din naman ako. Bakit? Dahil sa simpleng rason na gusto ko pang ipagpatuloy na mahalin Siya. At magagawa ko lamang ito habang patuloy na nakikilala Siya, at sa pagkilala ko Sakanya nadaragdagan ang rason na mas mahalin lang Siya, gaya ng sabi ni San Anselmo sa Proslogion:

“Let me find You in loving You, and let me love You in finding You.”

                Lutang ang emosyon ng frustration dahil gusto ko nang mahalin pa Siya at magagawa ko lang ito sa pamamagitan ng makilala at maranasa pa Siya. May pagkabigo sa mga pagkakataong pilit Siyang kinikilala at hinahanap pero hindi nagwawagi. Dahil dito, mayroon tuloy mga pagaalinlangan sa mga bagay. Mayron tuloy mga pagaalinlangan sa buhay. Parang ang hirap tuloy gumalaw dahil ang mga desisyon ko sa buhay ay nakaugat sa spiritualidad ko, at sa relasyon ko sa Diyos. Nakaugat ang aking paggalaw sa buhay na ito sa pagkilala ko Sakanya, na Siyang pagibig, kabutihan at higit pa sa lahat ng ito.

                At hindi ko inakalang, oo sa isang heartbeat kaya kong sabihingIngredient para sa aking pagkatao ang pananampalataya ko sa Diyos, pero kaya ko rin itong sabihin pagkatapos ng isang matagal na paghahanap, na may mga pagkabigo rin, kung sino Siya sa pamamagitan ng paghanap ng sagot sa tanong na Condiment ba Siya o Ingredient sa ating pagpapakatao.

                Masasabi kong Ingredient ang pananampalataya sa Diyos sa ating pagkatao. Una, ang pagiging tao ay hindi lamang ang katotohanang buhay tayo, humihinga at tayo’y gumigising araw araw. Siguro yun ung kontekstong nagsasabing condiment ang Diyos dahil kaya naman nating huminga at mabuhay ng hindi Siya pinapansin. Ang kabuuan ng ating pagkatao ay higit pa rito. Oo, kaya kong mabuhay na walang Diyos, pero ang buhay na ito ay isang buhay na walang halaga, walang laman, walang direksiyon. Ang ako na iyon, ay hindi ako, at hindi buo. Ang adobo na walang main ingredient ay isang pagkain parin, pero hindi ito yung adobo na alam natin. 

Nabubuo tayo kapag tayo ay maligaya, pag tayo ay nakarating or nakakaranas ng gaudium. Itong gaudium na ito ay ang Diyos. Itong gaudium na ito ay Siyang mapagmahal na Diyos na ginawa tayo para maging masaya, at Siya na ang mismong naghahanap satin para madala Niya tayo dun sa kaligayahang iyon. Hindi kailangan maniwala na Diyos para sabihin na ang kabuuan ay nakakamit sa isang kakaibang ligaya. Ang ligaya na ito ay walang iba kung hindi ang Diyos, at siguro dito papasok ang pagkakilala ko sa Diyos na siya’y hindi naman pinipilit ang kaniyang sarili sa atin. Hindi man natin Siya pinapansin o pipiliin, andiyan parin Siya, tinutulungan at ginagabayan tayo tungo sa daan na ikabubuti natin at ikaliligaya natin. Sapat na sakanya na maging parte ng buhay natin, kahit hindi natin Siya piliin na maging parte ng atin.

                Siyang pagibig, kapayapaan, at lahat ng mabuti, at mas higit pa sa mga ito, added value lamang? Hindi ko maipinta. Sabi ko nga sa simula, na sa una, parang madaling hawakan, it makes sense. Pero hindi ba’t pag nakita natin na kinayang hawakan at Diyos, hindi na Siya ito? Hindi ba’t kailangan binabasag ang mga larawan ng Diyos pag masyado na itong sarado at malinaw, dahil imposibleng makita ang Diyos ng sobrang linaw at simple.

                Hindi ako kung sino ako kung walang Diyos. Wala naman kasi talagang nanggaling sa akin eh. walang nanggaling sa atin. Hindi ko maisip na kung condiment man Siya, saan nanggaling ang pagmamahal, ang kapayapaan at ang kabutihan na nanggagaling sa atin? Sakanya lamang nanggagaling ito. At nasa atin na ang pasya kung aalamin pa natin ang mga kasangkapan ng napakasarap na luto ng adobo, at kung bibigyan natin ito ng halaga. Sakin, aalamin ko pa. Aalamin ko ano ang nagpapasarap sa paboriton kong adobo. Ano man ang iyong pasya, hindi parin magbabago ang mga kasangkapan nito. 

—-

This is more than a Calasanz Philosophy Paper to me. I poured my heart and faith into this. :)

Maiiwasan ba ang idolatriya sa “pagpapangalan” at pananampalataya sa Diyos?

Maiiwasan ba ang idolatriya sa “pagpapangalan” at pananampalataya sa Diyos?

(Can one avoid idolatry in naming and having faith in God?)

Kung isinabi ni Archbishop Rowan Williams sa kaniyang artikulo na “If you meet God, kill Him”, natutunan ko ring sabihin kasabay nito na “If you meet God, kill yourself.”

Dumating ako sa punto na nakita kong biniyayaan ako ng sobra sobra sa halos lahat ng aspeto ng aking buhay. Ang pamilya ko ay kompleto at masaya, ako’y iskolar sa isang napakagandang unibersidad, ako’y parte ng organisasyon na tinutulungan akong kilalanin ng mabuti ang Diyos, at nakita ko rin ang isang taong handang mahalin ako. Lahat ng ito’y tinignan ko bilang napakagandang biyaya mula sa Diyos. Dahil sa aking mga karanasan, nakita ko ang Diyos na umaapaw lang ang pagmamahal para sa akin. Tumalab sa akin ng sobra ang kaniyang walang katapusang pagmamahal.

Nakita ko ang Diyos na mapagmahal. At gaya ng naunang sinabi ko, ito’y isang napakagandang kahulugan ng Diyos. Pero kahit na maganda ang paglarawan ko sa Diyos, sa pamamagitan ng pagsabing siya’y mapagmahal, isa itong pagkahon dahil ang Diyos, kailanman hindi maihuhulog sa iisang depinisyon lamang. Hindi siya kailanman maihuhulog sa kahit anong lengguahe at kategorya ng isang taong tulad ko. Hindi siya mahahawakan dahil Siya ang hahawak sa akin. Siya ay higit sa lahat, at laging lalampas.

Pero kinailangan kong masabi at makita ang Diyos bilang isang Diyos na mapagmahal. Gaya ng kailangan ng tao na ilagay ang Diyos sa isang larawan, dahil ito lamang ang paraan para Siya’y maunawaan kahit papaano. Oo, hindi siya kailanman maiintindihan dahil siya’y lampas sa ating karunungan, pero susubukan parin nating makilala siya. At ang tanging paraan lang ay ilagay siya sa isang larawan or idolo na ating maiintindihan at mahahawakan.

Oo, kailangang ilagay ang Diyos sa isang idolo o larawan, pero hindi ibigsabihin ay ito na lamang ang mananatiling kahulugan ng Diyos para sa atin. Magkaiba ang magkaroon ng idolo sa idolotriya. Ang magkaroon ng  idolo ay hindi maiiwasan dahil ito lamang ang paraan natin bilang tao na makilala at maunawaan ang Diyos. Iba ito sa idolotriya kung saan hindi porket ilinagay ko na siya sa isang kahon ay hindi na ito bukas para mapalitan o malagyan ng bagong kahulugan sa pamamagitan ng pagpapakita pa muli ang Diyos sa ibang paraan.

Ang idolotriya ay iba sa magkaroon ng idolo sa paraang sarado ka na sa iyong pagkilala ng Diyos na kailanman imposibleng mangyari. Dahil ang Diyos ay kailanman hindi mo mauunawaan at maiintindihan, kaya kapag naihulog mo na ang Diyos sa isang larawan o kahulugan, ito’y hindi Siya. Hindi kailanman mabibigyan ng pangalan ang Diyos dahil walang pangalan ang Diyos.

Sa pagkahon sa Diyos, ito’y isang pagkahon rin sa sarili. Nung naikahon ko ang Diyos bilang Diyos na mapagmahal, wala akong inisip kung hindi ibigay ang puso at gawin ang lahat para Sakaniya. Gusto ko maipakita sakaniya na ako’y isang anak niya na masaya at biniyayaan lamang ng sobra kaya nais ding ibigay ang lahat ng sobra. Pero hindi ko ito nagawa. Nagkulang ako ng sobra sa aking pamilya, sa aking mga kaibigan sa aking mga tungkulin. Hindi ko nagampanan ng tama ang aking mga trabaho. Dahil dito, nahiya ako sa aking sarili. Dahil dito, nakita ko ang sarili ko na walang kuwenta sa mata ng Diyos at sa mga tao sa paligid ko dahil hindi ko kaya maibalik sa Diyos o maibigay sa mga tao ang pagmamahal na binigay niya sa akin. Nahiya ako sakaniya, kaya lumayo ako Sakanya. Sabi ko, aayusin ko muna ang aking sarili, at pag naayos ko na, saka ako lalapit Sakanya para siya’y maging “proud” sa akin.

Nung kinahon ko siya, kinahon ko ang sarili ko dahil nakadepende sa pagtingin ko sa Diyos ang pagtugon ko sakaniya. Dahil ikinulong ko ang Diyos na mapagmahal, akala ko na ang paraan ng pagtugon Sakaniya ay ang magmahal din ng sobra sobra gaya Niya pero hindi ko naman magawa.  Matagal akong nagdadalamhati dahil ang walang kwenta ng tingin ko sa aking sarili. Mahaba pa siyang paglalakbay, pero natigil ang lahat ng sinabi sakin ng aking kaibigan na “Bakit, sino ba nagsabi sayo na gawin mo ito para Sakanya?  Sinabi ba niya ito sayo?”

“Hayaan mo ang Diyos na maging Diyos.”, ang sunod niya saking isinabi. Nung binalikan ko ang aking mga naranasan, at hinayaan ko na makinig lamang sa Diyos, nakita ko na wala Siyang hinihinging kapalit para sa Kaniyang pagmamahal. Nakita ko na, oo, mapagmahal Siya at biniyayaan Niya ako, pero Siya rin yung Diyos pwede kong takbuhan. Masyado ko Siyang ikinulong na Diyos na mapagmahal, kaya’t nagdulot na ikahon ang aking sarili na dapat tumugon sa paraang pagmamahal Niya rin. Hindi ako naging bukas sa isang Diyos na tatatanggapin ako kahit na ako’y magkamali at magkulang at hindi ko kailangang maliitin ang sarili ko.

Mahirap na hindi maikulong ang Diyos sa isang kahulugan, pero ito’y hindi imposible. Oo, kailangan natin Siyang ilagay sa isang kategorya para maunawaan at maintindiihan, pero kailangan na hindi tayo sarado dito at bukas tayo sa iba pa Niyang paraan ng pagpapakilala. Kailangan handa tayong mabasag sa kahulugang binuo natin, o tayo mismo ang babasag dito. Kapag sinabi nating ito ang Diyos, sasabihin din dapat na hindi ito ang Diyos. Tinatawag ito ni Ricoeur na withdrawal of the name, kung saan bago pa natin Siya pangalanan, dapat alam natin na ito’y hindi niya rin pangalan. Maari siyang intindihin sa pamamagitan ng paggamit ng mga katagang “hazard zone” at “safe zone”. Sa pagpapangalan ng Diyos, hazard zone ang pagbigay ng larawan sa Diyos. Walang mali rito, pero may panganibna maikulong natin Siya dito. Sa safe zone, andito yung withdrawal of the name, kung saan inilalarawan mo siya pero may kasamang pagbawi sa pagpapangalan na ito.

Naniniwala ako na ang pagkilala sa Diyos ay may malaking kaugnayan sa pagkilala sa sarili. Gaya ng hindi tayo yari, ganun din ang pagkilala sa Diyos. Kahit na makilala ang Diyos bilang ganito sa isang oras, maaring magbago ito dahil maaring magpakita Siya satin sa ibang paraan pagdating ng oras. Ang pagkilala natin sakaniya ay parte parte lamang Niya sapagkat  yun lang an gating kaya. Hindi natin siya kayang kilalanin ng buong-buo. May kaugnayan ang pagkilala sa Diyos sa aking sarili dahil kami’y nasa isang relasyon. Sa aking palagay, higit sa withdrawal of the name, isa pang makakatulong sa atin na maiwasan ang idolotriya ay ang tunay na gustuhing kilalanin siya. Gaya siguro ng gusto nating kilalanin habang buhay ang isang iniibig. Gusto mong makasama lamang ang iyong sinta habang buhay at mas makilala lamang siya sa pagdaan ng panahon habang kasama siya diba? Siguro ganun din sa iyong relasyon sa Panginoon na isang siklo lamang ng pagbasag at pagbuo muli. Ang pagiwas sa idolotriya at pagkulong sa Diyos ay walang katapusang pagbasag at pagbuo. Para mas makilala ang Diyos, kailangan lamang maging bukas sa pagbasag, at kapag kinailangan ikaw na mismo ang babasag, at maging matatag sa pagbuo ng kahulugan muli. Kasabay nito, ang pagbasag narin ng sarili, at pagbuo nito.

Uulitin ko ulit, hindi madali na iwasan ang idolotriya. Pero may kasama itong pagtaya at pagpili. Mahirap na laging maging bukas sa isang Diyos na magpapakita sa iba’t ibang paraan at oras. Mahirap na mabasag ng ilang beses at maging matatag lang na buohin ang kahulugan ng Diyos, at ng sarili. Pero ang inyong relasyon, ang iyong gusto na kilalanin lamang siya, ay hindi tinatawag na pananampalataya kung wala itong pagpili at pagtaya na mangagaling lamang sa  sarili.

Oras na Makita mo ang Diyos, basagin ito. Basagin na rin ang sarili. Nag hindi maikahon ang Diyos at ang sarili naniniwala at nananampalataya Sakanya.

——

This is my Philosophy 103: Philosophy of Religion paper.

Because 1C will never be the same again.All the 7:30am wake-up calls, kwentuhans in my bed, Ken Afford Sinigang tipid modes,  After-BobbyGuev-Orals & other iyakan moments, and my what to wear dilemmas.. Will forever remain and treasured in a certain room in Dormitoryana where it was a witness to an amazing mother-daughter (yes I’m the daughter) relationship that turned into a lifetime friendship.To my roommate who took care of me when it was my responsibility to take care or everyone else, thank you and I love you. ♥ 
Zoom Info
Because 1C will never be the same again.All the 7:30am wake-up calls, kwentuhans in my bed, Ken Afford Sinigang tipid modes,  After-BobbyGuev-Orals & other iyakan moments, and my what to wear dilemmas.. Will forever remain and treasured in a certain room in Dormitoryana where it was a witness to an amazing mother-daughter (yes I’m the daughter) relationship that turned into a lifetime friendship.To my roommate who took care of me when it was my responsibility to take care or everyone else, thank you and I love you. ♥ 
Zoom Info

Because 1C will never be the same again.

All the 7:30am wake-up calls, kwentuhans in my bed, Ken Afford Sinigang tipid modes,  After-BobbyGuev-Orals & other iyakan moments, and my what to wear dilemmas.. Will forever remain and treasured in a certain room in Dormitoryana where it was a witness to an amazing mother-daughter (yes I’m the daughter) relationship that turned into a lifetime friendship.

To my roommate who took care of me when it was my responsibility to take care or everyone else, thank you and I love you. ♥