Sayang

“Sayang nga ba talaga, kung worthy naman yung mga tao na pinagsasayangan mo?” - Ms. Sabs Ongkiko

I felt a certain peace when she said this. A joyful kind of peace.

I’ve had troubled thoughts of not making it to March 2012 as a graduate for some time now, and I tell you, I’m not exagerrating. I’m never the programmer, I’m never the studious type. I love philosophy and theology, but my grades aren’t “ateneo standards”. I’m really having difficulties with my majors, and with my philosophy class.

And a little part of me, tells myself I’ve wasted too much of my time in my organizations. I’ve wasted too much of my time, especially, with YFC-A. I’ve sacrificed a lot for YFC-A. All my college life, it’s been a prayer meeting, a camp, or MVP 204 over anything else. I make sure I don’t miss a camp, despite a Saturday class. I make sure group meetings don’t fall on a 4:30-6 of an mwf. I make sure that a friend gets my company despite its almost morning and I still have a 7:30 class. am. 

True, I’ve sacrificed a lot for YFC-A. But come to think of it, it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice at all. YFC-A is my family, it’s my home. And like what my Philosophy 103 teaches us, it’s a circle of accident, choice and grace. It’s an accident I’m in YFC-A. I chose to stay and love. And with that, it becomes grace. A grace from no one but Him.

Like for Maam Sabs, people won’t understand why she’s wasting too much of her time to her students, the way people won’t easily understand why I’m wasting my time in YFC-A. It will never make sense to some. It’s  precious time, wasted- and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

I won’t be graduating with any honors, distinctions or skills developed to be proud of. But I’ll be graduating with so much love, with so many amazing relationships, with so many stories of amazing people, each with their wonderful faith.

Oo, sinayang ko oras ko, at patuloy ko sasayangin ang oras ko na makasama pa ang mga taong mahal din ang Diyos ko. Dahil mahal ko sila. Dahil halos isang buwan na lang ako may oras na sayangin ito para sakanila. At dahil sa pagsasayang na ito, paglabas ko sa Ateneo, alam ko kung saan o kanino dapat sinasayang ang oras.

Ikaw? Saan o kanino mo sinasayang ang sarili mo?